Idiot Sightings

[Admin]

IDIOT SIGHTING 1
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a £5 note. Our total was £4.20, so I also handed her a twenty pence piece as well.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me £1 back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 20 pence and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back 80 pence in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at MacD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING 2
We had to have the garage door repaired. The GARADOR repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one GARADOR made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two..'
We haven't used Garador repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING 3
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the Highways Department to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

IDIOT SIGHTING 4
My daughter went to a local Kentucky Fried and ordered. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce....



IDIOT SIGHTING 5
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an Irish airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened at Luton Airport ... UK

IDIOT SIGHTING 6
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a Local County Council employee in Harrow, Middlesex , UK ....

IDIOT SIGHTING 7
When my husband and I arrived at our Local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the fitter/mechanic, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in St Albans,Hertfordshire UK .....

STAY ALERT! They walk among us...

[Pol]

Quotes from the pages in the book "Drums and drumming to-day" by authors Sam Norton and Ken Spacey, publ. 1964 Boosey & Hawkes :

" A young potential drummer was selecting his new drum outfit in a London store recently aided By an endearing mother. All was well until the choice of cymbals came along. Whilst the boy was testing some Avedis, his mother in all sincerity turned to the salesman and asked `Can`t we have them in chrome to match the rest of the kit?
`

To the drummer on a gig who is proudly displaying his latest acquisition, a new gleaming £300 outfit:- `My nephew has a jazz set like that!!`


`Let`s get a seat near the band so we can watch the drummer`


`How long does it take to learn the drums ?`


`Tell me, do you play the drums with music ?`


A drummer with a name band had arrived on a gig having travelled a mere 300 miles and spent the majority of the previous months either working or sleeping in the coach. His face dropped when an eager fan enquired `What do you do during the day ?`


Who was the famous bandleader who said: `It doesn`t matter how you play as long as you look good behind the kit ?`


A salesman had just finished a lenghty quotation to a potential buyer, the details of a Super de luxe drum outfit. He had arrived at a bill for just over £350. The potential buyer timidly then enquired `Does that include sticks and brushes ?`


`Is it true that drummers take drugs ?`

Cheers, Pol

[Pat Seaman]

What do you call a drummer whose girlfriend has left him?..........................Homeless.

How do you make a lead guitarist play quieter?.............................Put music in front of him.

[ecca]

There was a woman in the queue in front if me at the Co-op in our village who, having paid for her shopping then asked for cashback. " But you've paid in cash " said the baffled sales girl.
The woman just couldn't understand why she had to her card to get cashback.

[Alan Prudhoe]

One of the groups I play with recently bought a new PA system and it was suggested by one member that we hire a room so we could do a sound check.
When I asked why he said it would save time setting it up at gigs if the levels were already set.
We would just have to plug it in.

[Admin]

I've heard that one before Alan, along with various other myths about PAs.

My favourite was an idea to permanently fix mics to stands with cables attached to save time.

Bob.

[RayL]

`Can`t we have them in chrome to match the rest of the kit?

Is that such a stupid question? Lots of other percussion instruments are chromium-plated - think of vibraphone bars, triangle and, of course, tubular bells. They all ring out nicely. Are cymbals so different?

Ray

[Uncle Fiesta]

I as in ASDA recently when the guy in front of me got banned from the store for life.

I don't think it was his fault.

When the checkout girl said, "Strip down, facing me" ... how was he to know she meant his debit card?