Yarkshire jokes

[Paulps]

Having recently upset the Taliban and the IRA with some jokes, I am coming a little closer to home with these about the Yorkshire accent.

Yorkshire man: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshire man: "Nay lad, I've browt it with us."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a
gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should
have the words "She were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a
few days after the funeral.
True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone
is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's
been engraved "She were thin".
He explodes: "'ells bells man, you've left the bloody "e" out, you've left
the bloody "e" out!"
The stone mason apologises profusely and assures the poor widower that it
will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason: "There you go
sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud: "E, she were
thin".

Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell
arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

[keithmantle]