The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death!
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." ..."Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I went to the Oxfam shop to get all her clothes back.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him about it he reckoned he could stop any time.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin. 3 hours later and they were still walking about with it. I thought to myself, . . . they've lost the plot!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow that," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?
